SO...

Those that have subscribed to my Youtube channel  know that recently I spoke about us being in cuffing season , however I thought it would be important to highlight this bullshit   madness that I've been experiencing over the last few weeks. 

If you are not aware..this period of time is better known as "Cuffing Season" this is a period of time when relationships are made out of pure convenience and there is a strategy to it, I went into detail on my Youtube video so I suggest you watch it before you upset your ovaries or disrespect the penis. 

ANYWAY...

For some reason, God... no.. scratch that.. let me not blame him... this BACKWARD UNIVERSE has decided to just keep chucking my exes back at me without no warning, no protective gear, NO NOTHING, if it was just one..I could put it down to just coincidence but when its SEVERAL at one time ( wait let me clarify I haven't had several boyfriends before you try to judge me and think my vagine has accrued a lot of miles on it... I'm not Kim Kardashian) 

The worst part was that they were all coming back with this cocky attitude that they could just pop themselves back into my life and my knickers like NOTHING HAPPENED and I have 'lonely gullible betch' written on my forehead! 

And they think they're slick too, trying to bring you down memory lane, and bring up cute things about yourself, and flood you with compliments so that you get gassed as they try to sneak over your " Fuck (insert ex name) Wall" that you successfully built after the relationship ended.

I don't need to go down memory lane..for why? Someone needs to turn "Memory Lane" into a WASTE SITE where all shit relationships, memories, heartache, hurt, pain, things we wish we never did, things that remind us of our exes can be dumped far far away I'm talking like the lands of Narnia or better yet be blown up sky high to never...return...again. 

When I was younger, I used to think it was a sign if a guy I was with before comes back and wants to be with me again, it must show that I'm a good woman right? It means he misses me right? Maybe he's grown up and finally become the man I need him to be so that's why he's come back right? GO FACE THE WALL WITH THAT CRAP! 

Now before I sound like a typical angry woman, I would be lying and say there aren't instances when people break up and later on down the line they rekindle their love and get back together, get married and live happily ever after..amen 

BUT...

This isn't the fairytale situation that I'm talking about these cucharachas ( FYI it's the Spanish word for cockroaches if you don't watch Netflix "Narcos" series like me where I learned this awesome word) think that they can come back to you and drop 1 or 2 sweet words and your panties will magically drop to their floor quicker than you can blink...respect my life. 

SO...

I thought it was important I educate you with some of these sweet    sour lines that I've heard more times than I wish to admit, which the response is usually me laughing at them, telling them about themselves, or rolling my eyes.

1) How is your mum/dad/brother/sister/dog/fish/hamster doing? 

Translation: I do not give two flying FUC*S how these people are, but I have to make it seem like I have heart and care about other people apart from myself. But whatever you tell me ,will go through one ear and out the other. 

2) How's your love life?

Translation: Who have you been sleeping with? Fu*k them I don't care, when are we going to sleep together again? And don't you dare say you're in love..no one has time for that.. especially me! 

3) How is your business doing? 

Translation : No I still don't know the name of your business, or supported it in any way shape or form and I don't plan to but I remember vaguely that was something you used to speak to me about often..thought it would win me some vagina points. 

4) Let me know when you are free I'll pass through/come check you/chill/get something to eat

Translation : Let me come to your house, I don't really want to take you on a date, I already know you just whatever get's me in your bed quickly, if I have to spend a little money it will be on alcohol so I get get you drunk..horny and spend the night.

5) Wow you've lost weight..but you still got that big bum/big breasts (insert body part)

Translation: Let's have sex....now... I'm already horny looking at you and getting sexual flashbacks.

6)  Don't act like you don't think about me/us sometimes, you don't miss me nah? 

Translation : I know you remember our sex, because I do... that's why I'm hollering right now! Even when there are times when I am genuinely miss you as I listen to Drake I'm not going to tell you. my pride won't let me! And if you ask me what I miss about you,  I'll come up with some sweet boy answer that will make you think I'm sweet,especially if it's a memory that I know you won't remember which makes you get all sentimental one step closer to being in your panties.

7) Are you awake?

Translation : All I need is those two blue ticks on WhatsApp, because I've already seen you were last online 3 minutes ago so you can't be asleep just yet and I'll tell you I'm close to your house so I can drop by quickly without you saying no or making up an excuse.

8) Sometimes I think about us getting back together..you're a good woman/man

Translation: I thought I could find better but I was wrong, can't believe that you put up with half the sh*t I put you through, I haven't changed but trying to find someone like you is becoming long and expensive, and I can't be bothered anymore plus you already know what you are getting with me so..no surprises! 

9)  The thought of you having a baby/getting married to someone else would hurt me

Translation: We're not going to get married or have kids anytime soon, yes I have a child/children but that's different.. let's not talk about that. 

10)  You know you'll always belong to me (insert stupid ass pet name they had for you) 

Translation: I want that good vagina/penis again..again and again, I've gone to bed several times thinking about it, I want to touch it, taste it, feel it, sit on it, have it as much as humanly possible starting FROM NOW. 

I could go on and on but I'm sure by now you get the jist and these are the top ten sour lines that I have successfully not fallen for and hasn't got me lying in my bed, covering up my naked boy looking at my ceilings regretting letting my ex through my front door again as he happily snores away thinking he's back where he belongs. 

If someone past, present or future is genuinely serious about you then it would take more than just talk for you to see that they're simply just not trying to get back in your bed, unfortunately sometimes will go above and beyond to do this and still their intentions won't be true and you end up being duped but please don't make no sour lines have you fooled into thinking it's nothing more than just game, and WACK game at that! 

Please forward this on to all your friends, drop a comment below and tell me what's some of the sour lines that your exes have said to you? I would love to know!!

Kisses And Bumflicks xx